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#1 2008-11-14 08:13:54

david
Member
Registered: 2006-07-25
Posts: 71

shakuhachi jokes?

I always thought it would be cool to have a place for everybodys shakuhachi jokes.
Heres a couple I made up...I think they're funny!

What did the shakuhachi say to the komuso?...........Blow me!

When inquiring as to the full range of his instrument, what did the Chinese man ask the shakuhachi player?....How 'ro' can you go?

New brand of cereal for shakuhachi players........Chi-ryo's


david
'Listen to the words of no man; listen only to the sounds of the wind and the waves of the sea.,~Claude Debussy

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#2 2008-11-14 12:38:27

Yungflutes
Flutemaker/Performer
From: New York City
Registered: 2005-10-08
Posts: 1061
Website

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Hi David, Yes, we shakuhachi people are not known for our raucous humor, well, at least not all of us smile

david wrote:

I always thought it would be cool to have a place for everybodys shakuhachi jokes.
Heres a couple I made up...I think they're funny!
When inquiring as to the full range of his instrument, what did the Chinese man ask the shakuhachi player?....How 'ro' can you go?

Actually, the Chinese/English accent is the opposite of the Japanese when it comes to R's and L's. The Chinese have trouble with R's. They would say something like "lo over" in stead of "roll over" (don't ask).  The Japanese English accent will pronounce the L's like R's. So,  "how Ro can you go" is really Japanese/English.

My favorite greasy Chinese restaurant is Wok and Roll and when they answer the phone, they say lock-n-lo!

Best, Perry


"A hot dog is not an animal." - Jet Yung

My Blog/Website on the art of shakuhachi...and parenting.
How to make an Urban Shakuhachi (PVC)

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#3 2008-11-17 06:12:23

Sweep
Member
Registered: 2008-07-22
Posts: 12

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

The Japanese seem to put r sounds where l's should be, and l's for r's - presumably something about the placement of those sounds in English words.

Here are my three favourite true stories (nothing to do with shakuhachi, but maybe worth telling anyway) -

1) A minister from a Japanese church was visiting an Oxford theological college and was enjoying exploring Oxford life. The college principal asked him one had how he was getting on, and he said "I have been praying." The principal said "Ah, good" or something like that, and the Japanese minister continued "Yes, I have been praying cloquet." (For the non-English people among us, croquet is a game played in the more select circles in England. It's mostly died out, but Oxford is one of the few places you might still find it.)

2) When Dave Bristow was the demonstrator for the Yamaha DX synthesizer series in the 1980s, Yamaha had a computer fitted with an FM sound chip. He found a command that wasn't listed in the English language manual that generated speech. Putting in the word `hello' he got a long stream of Japanese that basically said the computer couldn't understand the word. Yamaha told him it only spoke Japanese. So he put in `haro' and it greeted him with a heavy Japanese accent. He subsequently got it to say "welcome to the Yamaha DX synthesizer demonstration" in several European languages, but all with a very heavy Japanese accent. (I've actually heard this, BTW.)

3) When Geri Halliwell was touring Japan she had a lot of fans there, but they couldn't pronounce the r in Geri, which is why she had people all over Japan calling `jelly, jelly...'

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#4 2008-11-19 10:06:58

lowonthetotem
Member
From: Cape Coral, FL
Registered: 2008-04-05
Posts: 529
Website

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Not specifically shakuhachi related, but ...

A young man was very interested to learn from a venerable Ch'an master that lived in a temple on a mountain.  He journeyed several days to visit him but was dismayed to find that, when he arrived, there was no attendent or monk at the door to invite him in and introduce him to the master.  He waited for an hour or two and then, becoming impatient, just went right in.  Upon entering he found the master sipping a cup completely nude.  "May I help you," he asked the traveler.

"I've come to meet the Ch'an master that is said to reside here."

"That is me.  Why have you sought me out?"

"My apologies master, but I am confused.  I had heard that you are a great and wise teacher of the Dharma, and I've traveled a long distance to meet you.  Yet, when I arrived, there was no one to greet me at the door and invite me in.  Furthermore, upon entering I've come to find you in this state of, dare I say, disgraceful undress."

"I must tell you, my friend, that I take the universe as my home, and this building is merely a garment."

The traveler thought to himself, "That is a very wise and profound teaching."

Then the master spoke up again, "So, I must ask one more time, why have you barged into my pants?"


"Turn like a wheel inside a wheel."

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#5 2008-11-30 04:31:55

Bruce Hunter
Member
From: Apple Valley CA
Registered: 2005-10-10
Posts: 258

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

OK guys, somebody needs to get the ro balling here, or you're going to have to put with nonsense from me like...

How many shakuhachi players does it take to change a light bulb?
None.
We don't notice the darkness since we're all pretty much enlightened.

How many shakuhachi teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't know, since nobody pays that much attention to them.

later...

Last edited by Bruce Hunter (2008-11-30 04:32:23)


Develop infallible technique and then lay yourself at the mercy of inspiration. - Anon.

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#6 2008-11-30 04:58:27

Tairaku 太楽
Administrator/Performer
From: Tasmania
Registered: 2005-10-07
Posts: 3226
Website

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Q. What's the difference between a shakuhachi player and a koto player?
A. The koto player has a gig.

Q. What do you call a shakuhachi player who splits up with his
wife/girlfriend?
A. Homeless

Q. How can you tell when a shakuhachi player is knocking on your door?
A. You look outside and see a pizza delivery truck.

Q. How many shakuhachi players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Ten. One to screw in the lightbulb and nine to babble about Zen.

Q. How can you tell when your meri notes are low enough?
A. Never. Because your teacher will never tell you even if they are.

Q. What's the difference between an "antique shakuhachi" on eBay and an
antique shakuhachi?
A. About ninety years.

Q. What's the difference between a shakuhachi collector and an
alcoholic?
A. The alcoholic doesn't have to spend $3,000 to satisfy his urge.


'Progress means simplifying, not complicating' : Bruno Munari

http://www.myspace.com/tairakubrianritchie

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#7 2008-11-30 07:22:15

Toby
Shakuhachi Scientist
From: out somewhere circling the sun
Registered: 2008-03-15
Posts: 405

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Q: What's the definition of a minor 2nd?

A: Two shakuhachi playing in unison

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#8 2008-11-30 07:28:50

Toby
Shakuhachi Scientist
From: out somewhere circling the sun
Registered: 2008-03-15
Posts: 405

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Sweep wrote:

The Japanese seem to put r sounds where l's should be, and l's for r's - presumably something about the placement of those sounds in English words.

Here are my three favourite true stories (nothing to do with shakuhachi, but maybe worth telling anyway) -

1) A minister from a Japanese church was visiting an Oxford theological college and was enjoying exploring Oxford life. The college principal asked him one had how he was getting on, and he said "I have been praying." The principal said "Ah, good" or something like that, and the Japanese minister continued "Yes, I have been praying cloquet." (For the non-English people among us, croquet is a game played in the more select circles in England. It's mostly died out, but Oxford is one of the few places you might still find it.)

2) When Dave Bristow was the demonstrator for the Yamaha DX synthesizer series in the 1980s, Yamaha had a computer fitted with an FM sound chip. He found a command that wasn't listed in the English language manual that generated speech. Putting in the word `hello' he got a long stream of Japanese that basically said the computer couldn't understand the word. Yamaha told him it only spoke Japanese. So he put in `haro' and it greeted him with a heavy Japanese accent. He subsequently got it to say "welcome to the Yamaha DX synthesizer demonstration" in several European languages, but all with a very heavy Japanese accent. (I've actually heard this, BTW.)

3) When Geri Halliwell was touring Japan she had a lot of fans there, but they couldn't pronounce the r in Geri, which is why she had people all over Japan calling `jelly, jelly...'

I think it has to do with the very limited number of sound in Japanese (~300 phonemes as compared to ~3000 in English), plus the fact that the one phoneme that does exist around r/l is almost exactly in the middle of the two sounds.

Supposedly when Gen. MacArthur was considering running for US president some Tokyoites put up a sign saying "We Pray for MacArthur's Erection!"

I also read that a Japanese announcer almost had a nervous breakdown trying to record this English tagline: "A revolution in microelectronics!"

I myself saw a cafe bar with two signs, one said "Cafe Brazil" and the other "Cafe Blazil".

Toby

Last edited by Toby (2008-11-30 07:33:14)

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#9 2008-11-30 07:41:31

Priapus Le Zen M☮nk
Historical Zen Mod
From: St-Jerome, Quebec, Canada
Registered: 2006-04-25
Posts: 612
Website

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

For more of that priceless Japanese English stuff go to.

http://www.engrish.com/


Sebastien 義真 Cyr
春風館道場 Shunpukan Dojo
St-Jerome, Quebec, Canada
http://www.myspace.com/shunpukandojo

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#10 2008-12-04 11:06:53

Bruce Hunter
Member
From: Apple Valley CA
Registered: 2005-10-10
Posts: 258

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Help! I need to find a way to get the slime off my shakuhachi. I play a series of notes fingered 5,4, - ,2,1 and nothing comes out but ou's.   8^)


Develop infallible technique and then lay yourself at the mercy of inspiration. - Anon.

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#11 2008-12-16 21:41:21

rob+kat
Member
Registered: 2006-09-07
Posts: 24

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Welcome to heaven: Here is your harp.
Welcome to Samsara: Here is your Shakuhachi....

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#12 2008-12-17 03:49:38

Bruce Hunter
Member
From: Apple Valley CA
Registered: 2005-10-10
Posts: 258

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Four shakuhachi makers were attending a function and naturally they all gravitated toward each other. During a discussion of each others instruments and their various merits and shortcomings, one of them said, "I am the best shakuhachi maker in Tokyo". The others mulled this over for a few moments, and then another maker said, "I am  the best shakuhachi maker in Japan." After more murmurings and remarks, the third announced, "Well, I am the best shakuhachi maker in the world". The fourth maker, who had been the quietest all evening leaned in toward the others and said, ever so gently, "And I, gentleman, am the best shakuhachi maker in the room."


Develop infallible technique and then lay yourself at the mercy of inspiration. - Anon.

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#13 2008-12-17 06:03:26

Tairaku 太楽
Administrator/Performer
From: Tasmania
Registered: 2005-10-07
Posts: 3226
Website

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

Good one Bruce.

That's not too far from the truth either! lol


'Progress means simplifying, not complicating' : Bruno Munari

http://www.myspace.com/tairakubrianritchie

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#14 2008-12-27 09:31:47

MikeL
Member
Registered: 2008-05-18
Posts: 55

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

A guy arrives home to discover that his home has been
burglarized. But only one thing appears to be missing,
his shakuhachi.

So he calls the police and an officer arrives to investigate.
The guy explains that the shakuhachi is the only item stolen.

On hearing this the officer asks "been playing shakuhachi
for a long time"?

No, I just started recently.

Who's your teacher?

I've been trying to learn on my own.

Ah, ok, it was probably one of your neighbors.

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#15 2008-12-27 22:58:22

geni
Performer & Teacher
From: Boston MA
Registered: 2005-12-21
Posts: 830
Website

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

thats a good one.

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#16 2008-12-28 02:52:26

Bruce Hunter
Member
From: Apple Valley CA
Registered: 2005-10-10
Posts: 258

Re: shakuhachi jokes?

If one should abandon one's shakuhachi to fend for itself on a desert island you might, upon your return, discover that it has changed color and is now a deep, dark shade of reddish purple.
This, of course, is because it was marooned.


Develop infallible technique and then lay yourself at the mercy of inspiration. - Anon.

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